Time to make a change.....

Hi All

I realise I have been somewhat absent since the passing of my brother. Its been a very long few hard months but I think acceptance takes time and whilst I realise that he is no longer here, I know he is forever here with me and now we have his plaque and a date for scattering his ashes I feel better, knowing I have a private place to share my thoughts and fears with him, whether he listens will be another thing but at least to me it will make a difference.

Right not much has changed the last month or so other than I have piled on weight and its made my mood more miserable and depressed so I am making a point of this being the first thing I change about myself.

My other brother is a fitness fan so has sent me a copy of P90x which quite frankly I tried the ab ripper for the first time today at about 2pm and I can still feel my muscles aching from the workout and it is now 9.34......especially in the obliques area (which is the muscle down the sides of your stomach) my brother told me the first time he tried it he had problems walking properly as the muscles in his groin ached and after I attempted the first workout my legs felt like jelly so I will definitely stick with this because it was hard and in the 15 minutes I did boy did I sweat so Ill make sure to update you with how that goes and my starting weight for those who care was 12st 4lbs.....

Anyway so yeah I have that to do daily now, also I have decided to take up medication as a way to clear my head and have been listening to a few calming folk songs - I particularly like Sleep Song by Secret Garden..... but I am looking for more songs to add to my list that I can just sit and enjoy.

I have also created my own little nook. I came to realise that as much as I love my kids, they are my world, occasionally I need five minutes to myself or away from Owen to just enjoy my things.....so Owen's mum was getting rid of an old arm chair last week which we rehomed and put into our bedroom, it now sits in the corner, with a view ot the window into the street, the sunshine shines in and the terrapins swim quietly in the tank watching you, its calm and peaceful, I have a lamp, a place for my tea and a comfy chair......bliss. Just need to get around it cleared more so I have my own tranquil little place to relax and then find some things to do and enjoy. Lord knows I have plenty of things to read and crafts I want to do.

Apart from that not much else has happened, oh yeah my sister is pregnant again, she doesnt intend to keep it. I was sent home from work ill with some horrid bug which wasnt nice and had to borrow £500 off my dad to get my car unclamped and fixed and re-MOT'd

Im now waiting on a credit union loan to see if I can pay my father back so Ive emailed them tonight so hoping to hear from them tomorrow. x

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